I have so many great things to say about the past weekend’s Eroticon conference that I attended, but first I have to deal with a monster, so apologies in the meantime.
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There’s a new mantra that I was introduced to over the weekend as I attended Eroticon and I’ve been trying to keep it in my head as I try to overcome the post-conference emotional drop:
Nothing you will write is ever rubbish. You can compost it down and something beautiful will grow out of it one day.
I am paraphrasing K.D. Grace from her ‘Finessing Sex’ writing workshop as one of the sessions over the wonderful weekend which I will be reflecting on in a post later this week. Whilst I got a lot of useful tips from that session, it was the worst one to experience at the time – Purely on my response to it. That is something I want to shout out clearly here as Ms. Grace herself was a delight and a great speaker and after hearing her read at the Saturday night social I shall be looking up her work and adding it to my growing reading list of erotica.
My problem is I don’t respond well to participatory workshops. I clam up. The nerves set in and I feel utterly inadequate. Especially when I heard nothing but the seemingly deafening sound surrounding me of computer keys clicking and pens scrabbling over paper piling on the pressure in front of me with my blank sheet. This was right out of my comfort zone as a writer and once the hour was over I quickly excused myself for a soothing cup of tea to pick up the pieces.
As helpful as the forum was intended to be, I felt locked out of it. Instead of that image we all know of a prisoner trying to escape, scratching at the walls with their nails to get away, I was its reverse image, trying to get ‘in’. My writing process has always been solitary and on my own terms. Therefore, being told to ‘write like the wind!’ was disastrous for me. Highly ironic in a number of ways.
When I write at home, I can’t even sit next to Mister and type away – I have to sit away from him, or write when he is not in the room.
And don’t get me started about the fickle visitation habits of the Muse.
Unfortunately, that Sunday workshop had put me off kilter for the rest of the afternoon and my head was not in the best of places culminating in an even duller bump back to reality as I had to leave the conference early during the closing plenary by Cindy Gallop (via video link!) to catch my train, missing Ruby’s closing speech and any mentions of Books, Huggy Popes and Sandwiches.
Because I live Fucking Miles Away at the other end of the country.
Everything that I am feeling has a name: Drop. The emotional downfall that occurs after a period of elation. That ‘elation’ is what I want to treasure – all of the acquaintances that I rekindled friendships with; the new people that I met and was inspired by. The fangirl moments of meeting writers I have known of for years.
I want to be lifted from the weekend, use it to spur me on and take that leap into writing something that could be worthy of being submitted to an anthology. Getting published. I don’t see myself as a fiction writer. I am a blogger who finds writing about my real life experiences really fricking great. Fiction? Fiction is a bitch of a mountain to climb but it is an Everest that I am determined to conquer, goddammit.
Writing is a lonely job – Isaac Asimov.
Don’t I fucking know it.
This post doesn’t really have a purpose, other than to exorcise. Please forgive this momentary lapse.
Hey you. One thing to realise: There is no right and wrong here. I avoided creative writing workshops for just the same reasons and accidentally ended up in one. What kind of writer you are, how you write, where your comfort zone might be, are all absolutely right, for you. Being challenged is sometimes a good thing. But only if you choose that. Otherwise state your boundaries, if necessary leave the room. The conference could not be all things to all people and there was a diverse audience. It’s up to each delegate to choose where their boundaries are and, perhaps in some instances, for the speakers to be more aware of the diversity of their audience rather than stereo-typing to suit their presentation which I did feel happened at times.
)
So, go you! for exorcising what you felt. Now focus on the positive things. Starting with the fact that the Novotel didn’t have a room 411
(you make it sound like you live in the Outer Hebrides! I’m only 2.5 hours from London and it took almost 6 hours to get home thanks to British Rail!
Dear Muse,
I would like to offer you the position of Chief Cheerleader here at the Sanctuary. The hours are a bitch, but the reward is so high you can’t put a price on it.
Seriously my dear – thank you for your very kind words. You’re right – We all have our different ways. I suspected the workshop would be hands on and at times I want to go out of my comfort zone. Simply put – this time it didn’t work.
You’ve mentioned some pertinent issues about the conference, some I may address later.
Whatever state my head was in at the end of Sunday it was marvellous to meet you, you’re a star!
LadyP xx
it was lovely to meet you too. Now, what time should I arrive with my pom poms to wake you up in the morning “Ra Ra You’re a star, We all Love Lady Pandorah” (You think? Before coffee? Too much maybe?)
xx
[...] Yesterday’s post helped a lot in seeing me through the Drop following the weekend’s Eroticon conference. As did Mister. I very rarely seek out help when I’m down but yesterday I had to admit defeat and sure enough Mister stood firm for me as I held on to him to prevent me from falling further. He also came and nibbled my neck with awesomehotsupersexy kisses and licks which made the butterfly giggles lift me up. [...]
I know exactly how you feel. I found that session challenging as well as it is NOT my writing style. I felt a little more comfortable in that session, where as Kristina Lloyd’s session with the sex machine workshop really had me feeling inadequate, as I found myself unable to think quickly and with depth.
I think it is important to remind ourselves that we all write differently and all have our own methods. These sessions are more about suggesting alternate ways of writing than saying it must be as such. You are a fantastic writer on your own and you do have a wonderful ability of imagery through words.